Why Positive Reframe
Positive Reframe is a positive shift in perception. Positive reframing originates as a technique from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to 1) help identify harmful, negative thinking and feelings, 2) assess the truth of the thinking, and 3) so we may choose a more accurate thought and supportive response. It does not mean you are always positive and that you should avoid all things negative. We can learn to be positive about being negative by embracing negative thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and/or events to discover their value in our lives. It’s about giving yourself permission to feel whatever you feel without judgment and then making a conscious choice to focus on strengths, resources, and solutions to get emotional, physical, spiritual, and relational needs met. It is an exploration of transferring our awareness from negative reactions to positive intentions whilst creating a compassionate, objective lens to filter our life experiences.
We live in our current frame which has been influenced by a lifetime of experiences, our genetics, and relationships – all interacting within various environments and temperaments. All of these coalesce to influence our thoughts, feelings, and actions. Our mind is a collective of everything and everyone we have interacted with. When we experience stress, have unmet needs, and lack the skills to process the stress or get our needs met, then we naturally default to survival strategies of protection and have more negative thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and consequences.
“What we needed to survive in childhood will not lead to thrive in adulthood.”
The build-up of unprocessed stressful experiences creates a negative perspective or a frame of reference for similar situations. When we get into a stressed state, like feeling scared, confused, frustrated or even hungry or tired, we often react from this negative frame. The negative reaction can be as simple as snapping at your partner, parent, child, or colleague. We get tunnel vision, hyper-focused on the negative, and activate various cognitive distortions like catastrophizing, all-or-nothing thinking, personalization, mind-reading, labeling, etc. These distortions, judgments, and negative reactions come from a state of fear and stress. They initially serve to protect you and help simplify the stressful event so you can move through more quickly. However, if we never take time to reflect, process, update with current data, nor identify our feelings and needs, then these reactions project harmful negative energy onto our loved ones. We form a habitual complex web of behaviors with significant and lasting negative consequences, especially for our relationships and well-being.
Most of this negativity goes on without us even being aware of it (unconsciously), thus the first step to positive reframe is awareness of our negative thoughts, feelings, symptoms, and behaviors. The ideal moment for a positive reframe lies between the moment we become aware of the negativity arising and the moment we decide how to think and respond to the triggering event.
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space.
Viktor E. Frankl
In that space is our power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
When we take the time to slow down and see things from another perspective, we can reframe a negative event like someone yelling at us, into a positive, loving, and trust-based thought, “Wow, they must be having a bad day” or “I wonder what has upset them,” instead of a fear-based and negative reaction like “What is wrong with them?!” or “How dare they act like that!” Instead of reacting in the moment, we pause to reflect and consider their inherent value, their stressors, their fears, and their needs, then we can respond in a way that aligns with our values and intentions. You have the right to feel hurt or angry by a negative event and find positive proactive ways to assert boundaries to get your needs met. All negative behavior comes from a state of stress, unmet needs, and lack of skills. When we ease the stress, meet the needs, and practice new skills, we create space for connecting, learning, growing, and healing – transforming our lives and relationships.
Wellness begins at an emotional level. Emotions –energy in motion- are our natural psychological and biological responses that connect our thoughts with our actions. We have two primary emotions: love and fear. Emotions determine our response when something happens. When our brain perceives a threat, we feel fear and will react with fight, flight, or freeze. When our brain perceives safety, we feel love, thus remaining calm and able to access our executive functioning skills (e.g. problem-solving, planning, organizing, knowing right from wrong) so we may effectively process, understand, and plan accordingly, as well as connect and empathize.
Our emotions depend on our needs, past experiences, beliefs, temperament, and interpersonal neurobiology. When we find ways to positively process the stress and past negative events, then we can respond appropriately to get needs met and positively frame our lives. The goal is to empower ourselves with the skills that help our unique nervous system to feel safe so we may tap into our innate resources as well as cultivate lasting wellness and connection. I have integrated this positive reframing technique with neuroscience, trauma-informed, evidence-based treatments to help rewire our nervous system and override negative patterns.
The Positive Reframe poster I created is meant to be a guide, to help us learn to see “negative” behaviors in our loved ones more positively by viewing their behaviors from a different perspective and/or context. For example, children can be demanding of our attention which can be overwhelming to our nervous systems as well as activate our fears that our child will always need us. When we understand that brains, specifically executive functioning skills are still developing up to age 25, then we can see that children are lack skills and resources and it is normal that they want the person they trust and feel safe with to help them. We can reframe their demanding or clingy behaviors as them needing connection and guidance. It feels much nicer to know that it developmentally appropriate that they need you to process a stressor or learn a new skill and they love being around you.
Every situation and person has unique needs, yet when we choose to respond and focus on the positive, we give power and opportunity for positive beliefs, feelings, traits, and actions to manifest. Positive reframes empower us to see our own shining light and the brilliance of others.
You can find more information about my experience here on my Vita.
I’ve added a video counseling service called Therapy Portal
Now we can meet wherever it’s most convenient for you. All you need is a computer and broadband internet access. It’s secure and accepted by major health insurance companies.
Please visit Debra Wallace MS LMFT at Therapy Portal to learn more.
If you have any questions, please contact: info@positivereframe.org, 312.463.9163
DISCLAIMER
Positive Reframe shares resources with the intent of the positive progression of informed decision-making related to issues associated with emotional, relational, physical, and spiritual wellness. While I share personal and professional perspectives, my writings reflect my personal opinion and are not intended to substitute professional advice, diagnosis, and treatment thus the content shared on this page is for informational purposes only. This online medium does not lend itself to the level of detail and rapport building required for thorough assessment and therapeutic intervention. To make well-informed decisions that best meet your family’s unique needs, I highly recommend exploring and researching available options, consulting primary healthcare providers, engaging in respectful dialogue with friends and family as well as seeking referrals from a trusted source for professional counseling. I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapy in the state of Illinois, USA