Who’s the Boss?

Much of recorded civilization operates from the assumption that there needs to be hierarchy, someone at the top, a boss to lead, to have power over. My son will sometimes report that I am the boss of him and he has to do what I say. I reflect back that yes, it does feel like I am telling him what to do a lot. I tell him that I don’t want to boss him around and that I want him to be his own boss.  I do know it is my job to protect and teach him healthy behaviors so when he does things that jeopardizes safety or health, I tend to interject. But upon great reflection and listening to my son, I stopped my re-directions, lectures, scowling, and controlling reactions etc. I began to reflect what I was seeing, identifying feelings, and trusting him to figure it out. It might take longer, things break and get messy, and he will get hurt, yet he learns what he was meant to learn every time I “let go.” I am amazed and feel great relief every time I do it. Of course when the threat is of imminent loss of life or limb, I will still jump in but really how often does this happen. I choose to live my life in trust, not fear.

Once when he was playing a video game on our computer. I realized that I could not listen to my music on the computer while he was doing this. I felt irritated and entitled to be able to listen to my music on my computer. I snapped at him that he now had a shorter time to play. I felt the negativity tighten my body and heard the shrill in my voice. I stopped myself and decided to share with my son my feelings in a calm, neutral tone. I let it go and started another conversation with my partner. Within moments, my son turned the sound off his game then opened up our music files and asked what music I would like to hear. All of this happened in a less than five minutes.

I could cite 1000 interchanges like this where my children teach me about the power of love and trust, but honestly this is something one must brother gently leading the wayexperiment with and experience the connection for themselves. Personally, my children get me to step out of my comfort zone and enjoy life to the fullest in every moment that I am open to. I welcome my son’s so-called “back talk.” He makes valid points and gets me to change fear-based habits. I believe we were all created equal, this includes children. I even think children have greater insight and personal power because their body/mind/souls have absorbed less negativity or interference and are more connected. I work everyday to let go, fear less, and love more. To lead by example and use power-with instead of power-over. It is hard to let go and can be scary due to life’s unpredictable nature and the fact that many of us are completely unfamiliar with it.

This may help, imagine having a controlling boss, the ones who would like to dictate everything and seem to never be satisfied, focuses on what you do wrong… Now how happy and well adjusted would you be if you lived with that boss 24/7?

Resources

Kids who talk back become more successful adults

I am so glad I trusted all the amazing souls from the following organizations who gave me tools to use my skill and power for the better and with love:

http://www.postinstitute.com/

http://coaching-forlife.com/index.html

http://www.beyondconsequences.com/

http://www.childtrauma.org/

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. compassiondw
    Nov 21, 2015 @ 21:21:49

    Reblogged this on Positive Reframe….

    Reply

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