Promoting Resiliency and Connection Tips

We can promote resiliency & connection by ‘tuning in’ to our senses, thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and relationships. Negativity, symptoms, and conflict often come from a state of stress and/or unmet needs.

Positive Reframe...

We can promote resiliency & connection by ‘tuning in’ to our senses, thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and relationships. Negativity, symptoms, and conflict often come from a state of stress and/or unmet needs. 

Here are keys to empowering you to make conscious choices to get your vital needs met. Understanding and following these will harmonize your connection to your mind, body, and soul as well as your relationships.

Bright side..Resilience

Inconsistent or inadequate amounts/quality of the following vital needs trigger dysregulation (dependent on context and individual temperament or special needs):

  1. Nutrition/Hydration
  2. Temperature
  3. Sleep
  4. Level of stimulation (from all senses: sight, hearing, touch, taste, & smell)
  5. Connection and Emotional needs of feeling Respected, Important, Secure, Accepted, Included
  6. Unprocessed stress/trauma (negative events, thoughts, emotions, chemicals)

“…kids don’t get dysregulated because we allow their emotions. They get dysregulated when they need to express an emotion but can’t. So, instead, they act (it) out.” ~Dr Laura…

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Self-Regulation VS Co-Regulation or Both?

Positive Reframe...

Human bodies are amazing and self-regulating. We each have a unique homeostasis that our bodies need to feel balanced and function optimally. Thus based on our environment, interpersonal neurobiology, genetics, temperament, exposure to toxins or trauma and so on, we each need a variety of nutrients, needs, and level of stimulation and arousal to function well. When we are pushed out of our window of tolerance or are deficient in anything, we will automatically react with symptoms and signals to get what we perceive we are needing. The body will actually shut down certain functions based on how vital the functions are to staying alive under the current conditions we are perceiving.

You may have heard the term self-regulation which refers to being able to control oneself in order to find balance and calm within our internal and external systems. When it comes to emotions, self-regulation often means having the…

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Negative effects of toxic stress

Positive Reframe...

All negativity comes from a state of stress within our central nervous system. Stress can be an emotional, mental, physical, or chemical stimulus that is prolonged, unpredictable, and/or overwhelming to our body and mind. Stress can come in the form of having big and conflicting emotions at once, lacking skills and not knowing how to handle the situation appropriately, or having unmet needs like nutrition, rest, connection, etc. Any stress that goes on unexpressed, unprocessed, and/or misunderstood can become toxic and traumatic.  Naturally, experiences that involve actual or perceived death or serious injury increases the potential for toxic levels of stress and trauma. Toxic stress and trauma lead to dysregulation which is being in a state of STRESS beyond one’s window of tolerance and does the following:

  • Alters the chemistry and functioning of your mind/body/heart connections;
  • Creates unconscious emotions of fear;
  • Activates stress hormones and flight/flight/freeze mode of reactions;
  • Decreases ability to access higher brain…

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Dialogue vs Debate

When you are trying to win an argument, the relationship loses. You can discover mutually satisfying solutions when you are open to dialogue…

Dialogue vs. debate

Dialogue is collaborative: two or more sides work together toward common understanding.
Debate is oppositional: two sides oppose each other and attempt to prove each other wrong.

In dialogue, finding common ground is the goal.
In debate, winning is the goal.

In dialogue, one listens to the other side(s) in order to understand, find meaning and find agreement.
In debate, one listens to the other side in order to find flaws and to counter its arguments.

Dialogue enlarges and possibly changes a participants point of view.
Debate affirms a participant’s own point of view.

Dialogue reveals assumptions for re-evaluation.
Debate defends assumptions as truth.

Dialogue causes introspection on ones own position.
Debate causes critique of the other position.

Dialogue opens the possibility of reaching a better solution than any of the original solutions.
Debate defends one’s own positions as the best solution and excludes other solutions.

Dialogue creates an open-minded attitude: an openness to being wrong and an openness to change.
Debate creates a close-minded attitude, a determination to be right.

In dialogue, one submits ones best thinking, knowing that other people’s reflections will help improve it rather than destroy it.
In debate, one submits one’s best thinking and defends it against challenge to show that it is right.

Dialogue calls for temporarily suspending one’s beliefs.
Debate calls for investing wholeheartedly in one’s beliefs.

In dialogue, one searches for basic agreements.
In debate, one searches for glaring differences.

In dialogue one searches for strengths in the other positions.
In debate one searches for flaws and weaknesses in the other position.

Dialogue involves a real concern for the other person and seeks to not alienate or offend.
Debate involves a countering of the other position without focusing on feelings or relationship and often belittles or deprecates the other person.

Dialogue assumes that many people have pieces of the answer and that together they can put them into a workable solution.
Debate assumes that there is a right answer and that someone has it.

Dialogue remains open-ended.
Debate implies a conclusion.

Adapted from a paper prepared by Shelley Berman, which was based on discussions of the Dialogue Group of the Boston Chapter of Educators for Social Responsibility (ESR). Source: http://en.copian.ca/library/learning/study/scdvd.htm

 

Letting Go…

“To Let Go doesn’t mean to stop caring; it means I can’t do it for someone else…”

Positive Reframe...

“To Let Go doesn’t mean to stop caring; it means I can’t do it for someone else.

To Let Go is not to cut myself off; it’s the realization that I can’t control another.

To Let Go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To Let Go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To Let Go is not to try to change or blame others, I can only change myself.

To Let Go is not to care for, but to care about.

To Let Go is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To Let Go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To Let Go is to not be in the middle arranging outcomes, but to allow others to effect their own outcomes.

To Let Go is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.

To Let Go is not…

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~~~Go with the flow ~~~

“…life is like a river – you cannot step into it in the same place twice.”

Positive Reframe...

“The simple phrase Go with the flow is actually very significant spiritually. The ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus declared that life is like a river – you cannot step into it in the same place twice. Existence is always new, yet we are tempted to be bring old reactions to it. When we find ourselves resisting anything – which basically means saying no – we are usually trying to impose an old belief or habit on a new situation.

The law of Least Effort bids us to recognize the newness of life by allowing it to unfold without interference. It tells us to be in the moment, to look for Nature’s help, and stop blaming anyone or anything outside ourselves. In the flow, spirit is already organizing the millions upon millions of details that uphold life – from the infinite processes needed to keep a single cell alive vast intricacies of…

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What energy are you emitting as a parent?

Positive Reframe...

Speaking from personal experience, every time my child would act out, I would automatically have the negative thought of “What is wrong with him/her!?” which very quickly turned to “What is wrong with me!?” and “How could I have a child act this way!?” Their negative behaviors triggered my insecurities. When in reality, all these negative behaviors were and are normal processes of a central nervous learning to integrate into a chaotic, overstimulating toxic and judgmental world.

My mission in life is to maximize human potential and heal transgenerational trauma so I take providing safe and nurturing environments for all human beings very seriously. I have been able to rewire my automatic negative thoughts and connect with love, trust, and empathy. I can easily remember how I felt as a child and then know exactly how to respond. I believe positive intent, lower myself to below their eye level, and…

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