I have inherited some devastating negative core beliefs that get triggered easily like when anything goes wrong, I instantly feel that It’s all my fault. When I break something or make a mess, I feel I am a complete failure and utterly stupid. Sadly, I have unconsciously passed this same negative tape onto my son. It has grown more apparent the more I expand my awareness for it. Even though I know they are not true, they still feel very real to my body, mind, and soul and as much I tell myself and my son they are not true, we need to heal and rewrite in the moments we feel them the most.
As we were getting ready to leave the house one day, he boisterously bounced into the wall and a picture frame crashed to the floor. As I am aware that things breaking are one of my triggers, my body viscerally reacted negatively. Almost simultaneously, my son hung his head down saying ”I’m so stupid.” As soon as possible, I told myself out loud to “let it go” and move onto to the next step. Unexpectedly, he went back to the frame to try to fix it and I reacted negatively again as I was afraid he’d get hurt from the glass and we were under a time crunch.
His head hung in shame again, he stammered toward the door, muttering “It’s all my fault.”
The next feelings and thoughts poured through me in a matter of milliseconds….At first, I was filled with anger and disappointment at how could he feel so bad about himself; how I don’t have the time to deal with this now; how many times we have to go through this…then feelings of guilt and shame came of how could I have let this self-hatred seep into my son’s self-consciousness and how come I cannot heal us both and get over it…
I caught the negative tape going wild in my mind and chose to give myself and my son the same love and compassion I wish to give everyone.
As my son turned the door handle to escape outside, I told myself I must not let him start his day this way. I ran to him as boisterously as he bounced into the wall just moments before, pulled his head up, and bellowed “Raise your head.” As this was happening so quickly, I could still feel the tension in my hands. His look instantly told me to get my body, tone, and words to match the message of love I wanted to give. I hugged him and began singing,
I love you no matter what glass breaks.
I kissed him in tune to my melody on his cheek and I looked at his eyes as they began to well up. I continued to sing:
I love you no matter what breaks.
Again, I repeatedly kissed him on his cheek and as I saw tears beginning to fall, I sang:
You could knock the house down and all I would care is that you were safe and sound.
Followed with more kisses, he tearfully said,
“That is the kindest thing I have ever heard.”
I responded that every word of it was true and we hugged. His younger sister who was watching the whole thing then joyfully pleaded, “I want kisses on the cheek too.” We went on to have a great day and I believe some of those negative messages have healed.
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